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MYSTERY OF THE WHITE WHOOPING COUGH
2008-06-09 17:12:09
NATE: Special guest-star Alejandro Arbona (assistant editor, Daredevil, Iron Fist, Thor, other stuff), welcome to the blog.
ALEJANDRO: Thanks, Nate. But I have to admit, when you said, “Be on my blog,” I just thought you meant I should read it. So this comes as a surprise. Like answering the phone only to find you and your…uh, tens?...of readers conferenced in on the other end.
NATE: It’s ones. My cousins have stopped reading.
I’ve brought you on here today to talk about starting a charity. The Get Jordan D. White To Stop Whoopie-Coughing Before I Punch Him Foundation (G.J.D.W.T.S.W.C.B.I.P.H.). My foundation will work tirelessly to cure this horrible affliction before horrible…HORRIBLE things, happen to Jordan.
You in?
ALEJANDRO: I would be honored. We need to begin work on finding a cure immediately. My first idea is that his weird coughing noise is the result of his artificial smoking habit.
NATE: That could have something to do with it.
He’s been coughing all day, and it kinda…it’s more than a cough. It’s like a truck downshifting on the highway. Coming from somewhere deeper than his throat or his lungs. I think this cough comes straight from his soul. It's making it very difficult to work on CAPTAIN AMERICA WHITE #0.
ALEJANDRO: I’ve timed the frequency of his cough: every 60 seconds. And that’s come quite in handy for structuring my day. For example, I was working on word balloon placements for one of my books when it occurred to me that I should probably wrap it up, because I’d been at the task for over twenty Jordan-coughs. But is it really a cough? It’s like a throat-clearing/cough/loogie-hock/phlegm-gargle.
NATE: Yeah, it was enraging at first, then he went to lunch, and I was sitting here in the quiet, and I…I started to miss the cough. It was a part of me. There was a cough-shaped hole in my heart. Then he came back and went back to coughing and I wanted to punch him again.
You raise a good point, though. Having listened to this sound all day with metronomic frequency, I theorize that he ate a ping-pong ball over the weekend and it’s just not coming out. What say you?
ALEJANDRO: This one’s a strange thought, but I’ll throw it out there. Sometimes it also kind of sounds like a dog sneezing. I can’t begin to postulate what that could mean, though.
NATE: Oh no!!! I think I just cracked it!!!!
The name JORDAN D. WHITE—the D stands for DACHSHUND!!!!! JORDAN EATS WIENER DOGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIERNER DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGS!!!!!!!!!
TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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About this blog:
This is a blog for kids, featuring ONLY comics (and maybe movies and tv shows and GASP! books) that are for kids. You can keep your World War Hulks and your Civil Wars and your Punishers...let's have some fun! I'm bringin' over Spidey and Thor and we're havin' a PILLOW FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!
 | About the author:
Nathan Cosby has somehow managed to become an assistant editor at Marvel Comics. He can make helicopter sounds with his tongue and edits Power Pack, Marvel Adventures Fantastic Four, Spider-Man Family and helps with all the other All-Age stuff. He is really good-looking and likes Gummi Bears.
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